The Perfection Trap: How to break free and feel ‘enough’

From an early age, many of us grow up with the message that we should always aim high and try our best. You might remember hearing things like:

  • “Be the best you can be.”
  • “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.”
  • “Practice makes perfect.”
  • “There are no prizes for second place.”

Messages like these can be motivating — encouraging us to push ourselves and achieve our goals. But sometimes, that drive to do well can lead us down a different path — one where doing our best slowly turns into never feeling like it’s enough. That’s where perfectionism often begins.

So, What Is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards. It’s when those standards become so extreme — and so personally tied to your sense of self-worth — that they start to create pressure rather than motivation.

You might find that no matter how well you do, it doesn’t feel satisfying. You achieve one goal and immediately set a new, even harder one. There’s little time to pause, reflect, or feel proud. It’s like chasing a moving target.

And over time, that can become exhausting.

When Striving Turns Into Struggling

There’s a difference between healthy striving and unhelpful perfectionism. Here are a few signs that perfectionism might be getting in your way:

  • You’re constantly feeling stressed or anxious — like there’s a never-ending pressure to perform.
  • You struggle to relax or switch off, even in your downtime.
  • You struggle to enjoy tasks — everything has to be just right, and that takes the joy out of it.
  • People tell you you’re too hard on yourself, or that you overthink things.
  • You often end up redoing other people’s work because it doesn’t meet your standards.
  • You feel like you have to keep achieving to feel accepted or valued.

 

If you’re nodding along to any of these, you’re not alone. So many people silently carry the weight of perfectionism without even realising it.

 The Perfectionism–Procrastination Trap

One thing I’ve seen, time and again, is how perfectionism can lead to procrastination.

It might sound counterintuitive at first. After all, perfectionists are hard workers! Bu here’s what often happens: the pressure to get everything just right becomes so intense that it’s paralyzing. You might avoid starting a task because you’re afraid of getting it wrong. Or you delay submitting something because you keep tweaking and reviewing it, never feeling like it’s quite good enough.

You might notice that:

  • Decision-making feels like a huge burden — what if you choose “wrong”?
  • You delay starting things because the fear of failure is paralysing.
  • Being spontaneous feels hard because you need to plan and control everything.
  • You finish things later than you’d like because you keep going over them, again and again.


You Don’t Have to Challenge Perfectionism Perfectly

You don’t need to get rid of every perfectionist trait. Some parts of it — your drive, your attention to detail, your care — can be real strengths.

But you can learn to be a little kinder to yourself, to strive for excellence rather than perfection.

You deserve to feel proud of yourself without the pressure to always be perfect.

One approach that can really help is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

CBT gives you tools to better understand your perfectionism and begin shifting the patterns that are keeping you stuck.

With CBT, you can learn to:

  • Notice and change unhelpful thinking styles, like all-or-nothing thinking, or a tendency to focus on your mistakes and disregard your achievements.
  • Shift behaviours that feed perfectionism, such as over-checking or putting things off.
  • Challenge old beliefs like “I should never make mistakes” or “If I don’t get this right, people won’t respect me.”
  • Re-evaluate how you define your self-worth, so it’s not solely based on achievement.
  • Set more realistic and fulfilling goals, based on your values, not just your inner critic.


Final Thoughts

Perfectionism can feel like a strength — and in some ways, it is. But when it starts to rule your life, eat up your time, and wear you down, it may be time to rethink your relationship with it.

You don’t have to lower your standards — just adjust them so they’re more realistic, more flexible, and a lot more kind.

If you’d like to know more…..

Please contact me via email with any queries that you have. I also offer free 15 minute discovery calls if you’d like a chat about how I can help. Just email jill@yourcbt.online

Book Your Discovery Call

Are you feeling tense, worried and stressed?

Perhaps these feelings are fairly new, or maybe you’ve been experiencing them for some time? Whatever your experience of anxiety, I hope the following information will be helpful to you.

Modern life can be incredibly tough.

·       We are bombarded with media coverage of the world’s woes.

·       Social media can make us feel as though our lives don’t measure up with other peoples’.

·       Young people sitting exams feel enormous pressure to perform and achieve.

·       The world can feel scary and overwhelming.

It’s normal to feel anxiety from time to time. However, sometimes anxiety can become so distressing that it interferes with our ability to lead the life we want. If you find that your anxiety is severe and persistent, it might be time to seek help. You aren’t alone – in the UK over 8million people are living with an anxiety disorder at any one time – but there are treatments that can help.

Why does my anxiety feel so ‘physical’.

Have you noticed how anxious thoughts and feelings can affect how you physically feel? Here is a list of physical symptoms that you might notice when you are feeling anxious:

·       Butterflies in your stomach

·       Increased heart rate.

·       Feeling breathless.

·       Sweating.

·       Trembling.

·       Headaches.

·       Difficulty concentrating.

·       Dry mouth

·       Digestive changes

Unfortunately these physical symptoms can become a further source of worry, adding to your anxiety.

A lot of these symptoms can be explained by evolution. We all have an in-built fight or flight reflex that was originally designed to help us overcome threats to our survival. Bodily changes occur to help us either run faster or fight more effectively. So, our heart beats more quickly to pump more oxygenated blood to our muscles. Our bowels prepare to void (leading to those butterflies in your stomach) because animals run faster with empty bowels. Your concentration is affected because your brain’s amygdala takes charge of your actions – great for fast reactions, not so great for clear, nuanced thinking!

Common types of anxiety.

If you have ever sought professional help for anxiety you might have been told that you have a specific form of anxiety disorder. Here are the most common types with very brief descriptions. Please remember this is not an exhaustive list but it should give you an understanding of how complex and varied anxiety can be.

·       Generalised Anxiety (excessively worrying about daily life)

·       Panic Disorder (characterised by panic attacks)

·       Specific Phobias (fear of an object, animal, situation or experience)

·       Agoraphobia (fear and avoidance of situations where escape might not be possible)

·       Social Anxiety (debilitating fears about social situations)

·       Health Anxiety (excessively worrying about your health)

How do I break out of this anxiety bubble?

As with many health conditions, sometimes just understanding what is happening when you are feeling anxious can help you feel a little bit better. In other words, you are less likely to worry about why you are always worried if you have an insight into your current difficulties.

Often writing things down is a good place to start. You could use the following 5 questions whenever you notice your anxiety rising:

·       What has triggered my anxiety? For example, it could be a place, a person, an event, or a thought popping into your head.

·       What thoughts am I having?

·       What emotions am I feeling?

·       What physical sensations do I notice in my body?

·       What action(s) do I want to take?

Break free and live more freely.

There is therapy to address anxiety and people often can and do get better. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is highly recommended for the treatment of anxiety disorders. The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) recommends CBT as the first line treatment for anxiety.

How does therapy for anxiety work?

CBT takes a step by step approach:

1.         Identifying and challenging the thoughts that trigger your anxiety and keep it going

2.         Teaching you techniques to change your current beliefs and develop more helpful thinking patterns

3.         Helping you to test your current beliefs, in a supportive setting, so that you learn from positive experiences

4.         Exposure therapy, whereby you develop a hierarchy of feared situations and gradually face them in a structured manner.

I can guide you through all of the above. I can help you to understand your personal experience of anxiety and how changing your current thoughts and behaviours could set you free.

Help is available and you are worthy of it.

To find out more about treatment to overcome anxiety at YourCBT, book your free 15 minute discovery call or email jill@yourcbt.online

 

Book Your Discovery Call